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makeup's all off .. who am I?

a changing body and a changing soul

External Services:
  • shioneh@livejournal.com
  • shmeekaboo
I'm feeling a little The current mood of shmee_ at www.imood.com today

This journal is friends-only .

I use this journal for day-to-day expression, introspection, outpouring my emotions, posting of my photography, occasional dream analysis, random silly thoughts and philosophical musings and pretty much whatever else I am drawn to externalize. I use it in part to log and process my thoughts and experiences and in part to connect with others. This journal is an important part of my life because writing is the way I find most helps me process.

My goal is to try to be as open as I can be in this journal. Openness and honesty are extremely important to me and I'm trying to learn to be honest and open with myself and others.

This was originally created as a recovery journal for my eating disorder. I've come a long way in my eating disorder recovery and I consider myself more or less recovered.

In recovery, I started to feel that recovery is not just about overcoming the symptoms of the ed. I believe we're all at various stages of healing ourselves - We are all recovering from something. We are seeking to recover a less hurt, more fierce, hopeful and intense version of ourselves that existed before we started so called 'growing-up'.

"You do not win by struggling to the top of a caste system, you win by refusing to be trapped within one at all. The woman wins who calls herself beautiful and challenges the world to truly see her"
-- Naomi Wolf, author of 'The Beauty Myth'

Another thing I started to crystallize in recovery is my belief that there is no such thing as a body flaw and this journal follows me through my journey to love myself as is. I believe in health at every size. This an important belief for me and has changed the way I perceive myself and others. However, I do still go through ups and downs in my ability to apply this to myself.

"I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way" -- Jewel

Snapshots of me: I have a passion for self-expression of any variety. I love philosophy and love debating. I love animals and plants! I love the wildness of dragonflies and horses. I love storms and having my hair whooshed round in the wind. I adore the seasons. I relish the spring and summer months most of all for their heat, their light and eruption of new life. But I appreciate autumn's colors and magic. I love lighting candles in the winter and being cuddly. I am calmed and healed being around plants and animals.

I love photography, in particular, I love self-portraiture and photographing people and animals. I post quite a lot of photos in my journal. I usually score as an INFP.

"We are all connected;
To each other, biologically
To the earth, chemically
To the rest of the universe atomically"
-- deGrasse Tyson

"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour." -- William Blake

Reason and emotion are both extremely important to me. I love my spirituality and I also love science. I don't see the two as necessarily clashing. My spirituality is my own blend. I believe in a responsive universe and connectedness and I am influenced by paganism and animism amongst other things.

"If I can't dance I don't want to be in your revolution," -- Emma Goldman.

I cherish stories, ups and downs, emotional journeys, music, seeing beauty and other such 'colours' of reality. I don't want to melt away all the colours of subjectivity but I do want to choose the ones that resonate with me.

On a less abstract note, I'm interested in health and slowly working towards getting fit again. I like learning about and eating healthy food. I have an intense love for homemade soup. My other favorite foods are meals that can be made in a wok, meals that involve prawns, traditional thai food, tapas and also tex-mex food.

Sometimes, my journal will feature artistic nude photography. I think nudity is beautiful and natural and isn't automatically linked to sex in my mind. Any nudity in my journal will always be behind and lj cut and nudity will not be of a sexual nature.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." --Plato

"Compassion is the radicalism of our time." -- the Dalai Lama

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." -- Benjamin Disreali

I believe in facing and exploring pain but I don't believe that makes me a negative person. I see myself as an optimist. I want to find solutions and grow through my pain.

I am looking to add people who are passionate about life and are eager to grow, learn and give and receive support. I am especially interested in meeting creative, curious and expressive people with an enthusiasm for openness and understanding.

---[my connections]---

physical form: [five foot two] [creamy pale] [petite] [naturally muscular] [lightly freckled] [raven hair] [charactered eyebrows] [small mouthed] [slim lipped] [mossy golden eyes] [small wrists] [small artist hands] [strong legged] [warrior calves] [foresty] [earthy] [fiery] [intense yet subtle] [pixie]

sensations: [running in a storm] [crunching autumn leaves] [running my hands against tree bark] [dipping my feet into the water] [wind against my face] [wind playing with my hair] [light rain speckling down on me] [smell of tobacco flower] [the sound of the harp] [the sound of the piano] [stretching] [barefoot in the grass] [sun in my face] [basking in the warm sunlight] [being upside down] [falling] [warm skin] [crunchy soft velvet] [having my hair stroked slowly and softly] [head massages] [eyebrow strokes] [a cat's breathing by my head] [cuddling heart beats synchronized]

locations: [old places] [woody places] [museums] [pubs] [libraries] [churches] [abbeys] [ruins] [old towns] [winding roads] [places of learning] [attics] [buzzing places] [markets] [festivals] [concerts] [natural places] [forestland] [fields] [foots of hills] [valleys] [botanic gardens] [parks] [overgrown backyards] [cottages] [my family's living room] [virtual/cerebral places] [the internet] [steampunk universes] [fictional worlds] [dreamed worlds]

colours: [black] [ametrine violet] [vivid violet] [sunlight gold] [crimson red] [periwinkle] [watersilk green] [forest green] [dark emerald green] [emerald black] [pine green] [spring green] [iridescent blue] [aqua teal] [pure white] [ivory white] [soft cream] [soft dusky pink] [silver grey]

animal affiliations: [orcas] [horses] [deer] [dragonflies] [owls] [snow leopards] [lions] [domestic cats] [thomson's gazelles] [sea turtles] [meerkats] [rabbits] [octopuses]

gemstones & crystals : [rainbow moonstone] [citrine] [ametrine] [opalite] [amber] [garnet] [amethyst] [labradorite] [aqua aura] [opal]

possessions: [my livejournal] [my canon eos 400 D and lenses] [my runes] [my favourite clothes] [art supplies] [art journal]

music: [silversun pickups] [shiny toy guns] [sleeping dog] [azure ray] [placebo] [kate havnevik] [explosions in the sky] [sigur ros] [t.A.T.u.] [butterfly boucher] [jewel] [goldfrapp][the killers] [ladytron] [client] [the weepies] [ingrid michaelson] [aimee mann] [laura veirs] [sia] [susan enan] [sarah mclachlan] [roisin murphy] [felix da housecat] [underworld]

films, t.v. shows & games: [six feet under] [lost] [dexter] [in treatment] [house m.d.] [game of thrones] [garden state] [sunshine] [the matrix trilogy] [spirited away] [howl's moving castle] [about a boy] [i heart huckabees] [the golden compass] [the chronicles of narnia] [district 9] [the sims 2 & 3] [the zelda games]

deviantart · facebook · flickr · last.fm · amazon wishlist · etsy wishlist · dreamwidth · dreamjournal · twitter · tumblr · 43things . myspace · my curvygirls posts

If you know me in person and have not been invited here by me, please respect my boundaries and stay away from this journal.

Please do not re-post any content from this journal without my consent. Please do not share comments made in this journal through 'Facebook/Twitter Connect'.

Please do not post invitations to rating communities in my journal.

abnormal pyschology, aesthetics, agnosticism, alphonse mucha, anarchy, animism, anorexia nervosa, anthropology, anti-porn, argan oil, barefoot, barn owls, being around trees, belgium, believing everyone is sacred, bertrand russell, biology, bisexuality, botany, bubblebaths, cause and effect, charles rennie mackintosh, compassion, connecting, contortionism, creativity, crete, critical thinking, crystal renn, cuddles, curvy, curvygirls, curvylution, daring expressive make-up, death, deer, depersonalization disorder, determinism, dissociation, doodling, dragonflies, dream analysis, drunken conversations, ed-nos, ee cummings, embracing emotion, emotions, empathy, english, essential oils, evolution, extraterrestrial life, faeries, fat feminism, feminism, flourishing, forests, frank frazetta, free speech, frida kahlo, glasgow, greece, greys anatomy, growth, hairsticks, hannah, harry potter, haruki murakami, having my bum stroked, hayao miyazaki, health, hearing and being heard, honesty, horses, html, hundertwasser, imagining new creations, infj, infp, intellectual conflict, intp, kate dillon, kindness, kinky, learning to love myself, livejournal, long hair, lost, love, lucien freud, margaret macdonald, metaphysics, methods of expression, mia tyler, naomi wolf, national geographic, neulander, new scientist, non-violent communication, not giving in, nudity, optimism, orcas, paganism, parks, personal identity, philosophy, photography, picnics, placebo, plus size models, positive thinking, prayer, psychology, psychotherapy, purchasing gifts, quantum mechanics, quantum physics, radiohead, reading the dictionary, receiving livejournal comments, recovery, respect, sea horses, seasonal affective disorder, sexual fantasies, sigur ros, sloofs, sociology, soup, space, spirituality, stephen law, summer, sunshine, surrealism, talking to strangers, the beauty myth, the law of attraction, the young ones, totem animals, traditional chinese medicine, travel, true-self, truth, unconditional self-love, updating my livejournal interests, visualization, writing letters, zoology


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